i'm getting awfully snappy, even after my 3 hour afternoon naps.
some things, however, don't change. like. how i love to watch discovery channel (travel&living, and the good ol' normal one) in the midst of exams. how i love watching all these history documentaries/docu-movies(eg fog of war feat robert mcnamara). how i gorge myself with timtams & all that stuff. how i run when i'm really quite blah (i ran today, miracle #23958375, or a sign of the apocalypse.)
but i'm thinking about things that shouldn't even exist in my mind right now, or maybe ever. a promise is a promise, but somehow. i always feel inclined to break promises. the dearer, the better. that, is my mantra right now, i suppose. so i've been hearing good & not so good things with regards to today's math paper. and it frightens me greatly. so the great As have begun. 12 years of studying, and this is what it comes down to. getting that bloody piece of paper that determines the rest of your life. the courses you can/can't do, whether or not you'll love yourself or hate yourself for a long period of time (if not forever) it's really very scary. and it's times like this that i wonder whether or not i should've just packed my bags and headed overseas when my parents suggested it. but hey, i made the decision. i made the decision to do the As here cos i didn't think it would make a huge difference if i went away. i thought i was smart enough to excel wheereever, it didn't really matter. but right now. as i examine the state of my academic life. one word flashes in neon pink : pathetic. and the worst part is. i think this fear is forcing my mind to think of alternatives to law, already. that isn't a bad thing. it wouldn't be, under normal circumstances. but a small part of me knows that the only reason i'm actually thinking of such things now is because i'm just so afraid i won't make the cut. liberal arts suddenly seems very very very inviting. but no. i will stand my ground for now, at least. and twiddle my thumbs, in the hope that everything'll be alright... as long as i fix my eyes on the author & perfector of my faith. but we all know that's easier said than done.
this is an awfully rambly post. i've been listening to chinese songs all day long. ok. that just means jay chou songs all day long. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok bye.
posted by meishi @ 10:37 PM
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