the testimony was quite cool, didn't really expect it. nods.
anyway... we fought yesterday. he basically said that i didn't appreciate the things he did and all that kind of thing. and that he was already putting all he could into the relationship and he couldn't put anymore. it's not that i don't appreciate it cos i definitely do, his love is what gets me through the days where i feel like just throwing everything away and going away. but i don't know, maybe i don't show it enough, shrugs. all my friends know that i'm madly in love with him and that i do appreciate everything that he's done for me... and i love every moment i spend with him. everybody seems to know that except for him. and that's like really weird. it all started with him coming early to pick me up for supper. i told him to come at 930, he came at 9. that would've been fine with me except for the fact that love mgs kinda ended at 10 instead f the expected 930/940. i didn't mean to make him wait of course, but it ticked him off anyways. so the drive from school to holland v was pretty quiet and he was looking very sian and rather peeved. he seemed kinda' short tempered that night.. somewhat uptight, reason? i don't know why. sighs. anyway. then we went to have ice cream but i had to go within a really short while. i refuse to admit my insecurities to him, afraid that it'd make me vulnerable. i'm not sure why i do that, but i do. yup. anyway. got home and blah blah blah. glare - . woah then he messaged me and i messaged him for a while, til i fell alseep and stuff. when i woke up and realized i fell asleep i called him and he was on the phone with somebody else. i don't know who, not that it matters la, right? i mean i don't expect him to mope about how sad he is that i fell asleep? doubt he cares. sigh whyyy x( and then jerr messaged me saying he misses me. like huh. and then somebody else messaged something else. but that's besides the point. basically the point is everybody seemed to care, everybody except him. now that hurt so bad. i don't know why, but it just did. and it made my already horrible night even worse. he kinda kept asking me if i wanted to go, to the point where i got so ticked off i just hung up out of frustration. he sms-ed me and then we kinda had a little quarrell over the sms... i don't know what to do at the moment. cos for the first time in our relationship, the words break up were used... and the words seemed very real. not just 2 words that we typed out to amuse each other and to joke around with. it was really on his mind. and mine. i don't wanna go into detail here. those who need to know what happened have been told, or will be told...
is it too much to ask... that he seems a bit happy when he sees me? i don't know maybe i'm just being unreasonable, well at least he thinks so. i just miss the times when we would go out together, and like hardly fight. or even if we fought it wouldn't be as bad as this. when i got his sms-es, i teared on my bed. i don't know what to do. according to him he's confused too. i don't know. where's this relationship going... i hope it's not down the drain*
posted by meishi @ 7:33 AM
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