where yesterdays are all boxed up & neatly put away.

i didn't go for jap on tuesday... because i didn't want to think of daisuki desu.
i cooked lap cheong rice on sunday night, i haven't cooked it since easter in hong kong.
the letter i wrote on tuesday was long, but i couldn't go on writing it.
i was thinking of you, you and i, greece, the kiss, beaches, a small quiet ceremony.
i was thinking of how we sat on the floor, at the foot of your bed after dinner at la braceria. the walk, my dress, wine, wrapping my arms around your neck like i used to when i was a kid. that was a very, very good night for us. just like it used to be, just as it should have always been.
i was thinking about how i waited for you at the airport, and how we went back to yours. that was very good night as well. we had the flyer in the background. that was lovely.

i wish i'd stop missing you... since its sadly not reciprocal.

i really wish i'd stop dreaming about you. its been two weeks, and i haven't stopped. i dreamt i was interning again (haha) and you asked if i'd like to go for lunch. i said yes, and we ended up at the sail. i have no idea. i woke up for company at 830 but couldn't bear to drag myself out. talk about torture.

i wonder what you're doing, if you're okay, if you're busy with work, if you're using my pillows, if you think of me when you do, if you've finished the carrot cake (i hope you have), if you regret not resisting, if you were serious about 4 years, i wonder if this is what you want, if i was what you wanted, if she was what you wanted; more than i was. i never wanted to ask you this whilst we were together, but why did you break up after 7 years? i wonder why i never asked you. i wonder if there were moments which she wasn't on your mind whilst we were together, i wonder if you're happy, if you were happy, if you'll just appear on my doorstep one day. i wonder if it was all a big mistake, if 7 years between the two of us is really too much, if the distance for 2 years is too much, if your pride is worth more than this, if anything is worth more than this. i wonder if i should've put myself on the line so much, or if i should've done it more. i wonder. i wonder why i've been listeing to canto songs all week. i wonder why i'm not stronger, why i can't compartmentalise better, why i still haven't done my brr essay, why i was stupid and rash. mostly, i wonder why you won't even speak to me. i wonder if we'll ever get back together, i wonder how you could do away with no-future-gfs and penguins and soulmates so quickly.

as irony would have it... my conflicts problem question is based on Jimmy from Suburbia with business interests in a number of countries.

posted by meishi @ 2:59 AM