where yesterdays are all boxed up & neatly put away.

i was reading someone's blog... and she was saying that all she wants is like. a nice boyfriend and his heart and love and blahblahblah. and then i thought to myself. haha bloody bullshit that's never enough. almost anyone who says they don't need gifts/material stuff is just a lying punk because okay fine. because i really can't live that way, as much as i sometimes wish i could. i bet a billiongazillion bucks i'd be much happier if lv bags & all the pretty things around me didn't matter so much to me, if settling down with someone financially stable isn't such a big deal to me... if the big house/comfy apartment in a prime location, a beautiful job, kids and a pretty decent car isn't what i truly want. if throwing nice parties and having nice parties to go for isn't the life i would like to continue living isn't such a necessity to me. but truth is, everything material means a hell lot to me, somehow or other... no matter which angle i look at it from. i'm not saying that people who aren't like superduperrich are not happy. far from it. i'm just saying that for myself, and from my point of view... with regards to the life that i want to lead in the future, and even now. these things do matter to me. grr. i dunoe why i'm ranting. = but it's really true. i'm not saying that i don't need love & concern from my significant other, whoever he might be in like 10 +++ years time. but that really superduper isn't enough for me, and i know it. maybe i'm only raving and ranting like this because it's the first day of the terrible spell and i've been feeling nauseous the whole day, probably induced by the killer-cramps that have not ceased to torment me since the moment i hopped out of bed this morning. i'm terrible cranky and right now all i want to do is punch and kick somebody, throw a silly phone out of the window and proceed to feel all manic-depressive and then sit down and cry and think that nobody loves me. somehow, i think feeling neglected and all that stuff is my favourite feeling... maybe because i just love the luxury of wallowing in self-pity. well there is obviously something very wrong with me, but right now nothing is really going perfectly right... well, does it ever. as always, i wish i had more. more of everything, and every luxury the money could afford. BOO.

All of the happiness you seek
All of the joy for which you pray
Is closer than you think
It's just 100 tears away

posted by meishi @ 10:36 PM