i know you've got another life you've gotta concentrate
come back to me can you hear me calling for you
cos it's been too long and i'm lost without you
what am i gonna do, said i've been needing you, wanting you
wondering if you're the same and who's been with you
is your heart still mine, i wanna cry sometimes.
i feel like such a sorry fuck. haha what a way to start off a new blog, but it's true i do feel like such a sorry fuck. okay so maybe he didn't lie to me yesterday, though i'm really almost 99% sure he did. that aside. spoke til 330 last night... then you asked me to go and sleep... said you'd call at 7. no phone call. called you at 730. said you'd call me back in an hour. what time is it now? my, are my eyes playing tricks on me? it seems to be 930. hmm, that's 2 fucking hours from 730 isn't it? or is my math that bad. i'm going to start crying again, trust me that is not a very good thing. cried practically the whole of last night and got myself a little bit high... woke up with my throat feeling like shit and my head spinning. had fallen asleep when he called... then told him i drank a bit... and he kinda scolded me... like " i leave you alone for a day and this is what happens dear " ... fuck like it's my fault? like it's my fault he didn't give a shit about me right. yeah whatever man. i sound like a bitter bitch who hates my ex boyfriend now. but for the record, i'm not bitter, i don't hate him, and he's not my ex boyfriend- we're still together ( god knows why ) anyway. mom cancelled chinese tuition today, not too sure why... don't think i'm going for physics too. really don't feel like going... i mean hello... do i look like i'm in the mood to do anything...? all i wanna do i sit in my room and cry all day long. blah. looked at my reflection in the mirror today, i really don't like what i see. shits. it's almost 940... will he call me before he goes in? he didn't even ask me to see him off today, that just fucking sucks. okay, he did ask me like 2 weeks ago. but hello? like i could give him an answer? i thought we'd have school 2 weeks ago, but things have obviously changed and there's no school today. but he hasn't asked me again so i guess he just can't exactly be bothered huh. sigh. it sucks when you're the only one in a relationship who's doing all the friggin' crying around here... shit man it just really sucks. don't feel like eating anything. sigh. honey if you ever bother to read this.. i love you.
you were always gonne be the one
and you should know how
i wish i could've never let you go
come into my life again now don't say no
you were always gonna be the one in my life
so true i believe i could never find
somebody like you my first love.
-utada hikaru. first love.
posted by meishi @ 9:44 AM
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